Seasonal News of the Family

At about this time of year we find we receive one or two unremittingly tedious missives from people who feel it necessary to unload on their ‘friends’ details of their and their immediate families’ activities during the past year.

 

Well, this year it’s my turn!

 

For the first time after thirty years marriage Geoffrey and I will not be spending Christmas together. Such a pity. For some reason, last October Mr Justice Coklecarrot, sitting in the High Court, found him guilty of insider trading. Why exactly, I simply don’t understand. All poor Geoffrey did was to buy a million or so shares in some company that his tennis partner at those American brokers, Gorman Sex or something, had told him was about to be absorbed by a huge Chinese conglomerate, after which they quadrupled in price when he sold the lot to make a massive profit. What, I ask my self, was wrong with that?   Anyway, we’ll be visiting poor Geoffrey in the Scrubs for a chat after Christmas lunch then its home to watch the Christmas Special “Strictly Come Dancing” with Terry Wogan as guest host. So dreary as Geoffrey loves dancing.

 

Fenella also had a difficult year as she had high hopes of being chosen to represent her country at the international bed making championships in Sveti Stefan. She had come through the qualifying rounds with flying colours but, horror of horrors; they then gave her cotton, my dear, COTTON sheets to fold. Naturally she is used to only the purest Irish linen so was completely flummoxed at Shepton Mallet when it came to selection for the finals. Never mind, her fiancé Giles is taking her to the Outer Hebrides for a week’s sheep watching to help her get over the disappointment so we’ll be under strength on the big day.

 

Happily, Bruno will be at home for the holidays. He’s just finished at his public school with four good ‘O’ levels and hopes to go into estate management with a chum from school in Swindon. He was rather fed up with the place after his housemaster found him in bed with his fag one afternoon. Even though he was well in with certain members of the staff since he used to give investment advice to the masters, that didn’t seem to help so it was agreed that rather than report the matter he should leave the same evening. Better for everyone, don’t you think? Apparently, he managed to accumulate quite a tidy sum from his investment advisory business so it hasn’t turned out too badly for him after all.